Here I stand and face the rain [private conversation]

[firstpuzzle]

[God is seriously thinking about going home. Mello won't forgive him, and he's catching waves of something wrong with Matt. He's curled up on one of the white beanbags in his room, toying with his hair and listening to the faint sounds of figures moving about in his toy city. None of his usual distractions are helping. He almost wishes he were like Mello, and could destroy something, or set someone on fire: anything to push these feelings out and stop having to feel them. He's sure everything that's gone wrong is his fault.]

Comments

[things-goboom.livejournal.com]

*Matt poofs in, hands firmly in his pockets. His expression is hard, as cold as he can manage. He sees Near and almost loses his composure at seeing him curled up like that; Matt is not very good at controlling, or even recognizing emotions.

All he knows for sure is that he needs to make Near happy. And this, in Matt's mind, was the only way to do it. He clears his throat and says in a low voice:*

Near.

[firstpuzzle.livejournal.com]

[Something in Matt's voice, that hard determination Near's never heard before, makes him curl in on himself tighter, more worried than ever.]

What is wrong?

[things-goboom.livejournal.com]

*Matt has to breath in deeply. He can feel his heart starting to crack, but he isn't quite sure what it means, to feel this way. He doesn't like it.*

Near, I don't want you anymore.

*He says this a little fast, and tries to slow down. He's trying to make this realistic, he really is.*

[firstpuzzle.livejournal.com]

[Everything... stops. Near's breath, the figures in the city, even his mind. He doesn't feel, right now, that he deserves to be wanted, so he doesn't even consider that Matt might be saying this for other reasons. Finally he shivers, and twists his hair until it hurts, and manages to speak, though it's a whisper, barely audible.]

Why?

[things-goboom.livejournal.com]

*Matt's heart breaks further.*

I-I...

*He clenches his fists.*
I don't know. I just don't. We aren't good for each other.
I'll just go home.

*His voice is as harsh as he can make it, even though he's splintering into pieces. As he speaks, his color is fading, his usual bright, vibrant hues dulling to shades close to grey.*

[firstpuzzle.livejournal.com]

[He can't stop shivering now; he's never felt so cold.]
But-

[But we love each other, he wants to say, and I would die before I would hurt you.]
Please at least don't leave- I-

[He finally manages to look over at Matt, and feels worse than ever.]
Why...?

[things-goboom.livejournal.com]

*He's completely grey, now.*

I'm sorry.
I have to leave. It's for you. I d-don't...

*He pauses, trying to get ahold of himself. His voice still wavers, and it's losing a bit of that harsh tone.*

You can go with Mello. He wants you, still.

[firstpuzzle.livejournal.com]

For me?

[Very alarmed that Matt's grey, enough so that he can put his own misery aside and approach him. He has to walk, though, because he can't manage poofing, and he stops a short distance away.]

I- Not like this. Please don't-

[things-goboom.livejournal.com]

I have to--

*His voice finally cracks, and that's his cue to bite his lip and try to become harsh again. He can't seem to keep the wibbly tone out of his voice, though.*

Otherwise you won't be happy and you have to be happy.
Mello said--

*Stops dead, and covers his mouth hurriedly; he didn't mean to say that much.*

[firstpuzzle.livejournal.com]

[He doesn't feel miserable at all, now, and the ominous rumble of thunder is proof.]

What did Mello say?

[things-goboom.livejournal.com]

*Miserable expression.*

I offered to l-leave so that you n' him could be happy.
He told me to try it, and I said I could, but... I can't.

[firstpuzzle.livejournal.com]

[There's lightning outside the windows now, but Near's expression is gentle as he steps close enough to put his hands on Matt's shoulders.]

Mattapan... Did I not tell you not to sacrifice your happiness for mine?

I shall deal with Mello. He had no right.

[things-goboom.livejournal.com]

*Matt notices the lightning, and he winces. He's thinking of the trouble he's caused, and he bites his lip.*



N-no! *Slight panic-y expression*
No, don't tell Mello! He'll get mad and he'll think that I tattled on him and I just want him to not hate me as much as he does now and--

*Tears leak out of his eyes as he rambles*

[firstpuzzle.livejournal.com]

Mello's hand in this is obvious; you had only to say his name for me to know.

[He wants to make sure he and Matt are really all right before he does anything, though.]
What do you really want? Do not be afraid of me, or Mello, or anything at all. Simply tell me, so I can know.

[things-goboom.livejournal.com]

*He sniffs, staring at Near, and then-- he tackles him, hugging him tightly and burying his face in Near's chest.*



*He figures that's enough of an answer.

[firstpuzzle.livejournal.com]

I love you, Matty.

[He's so relieved he can hardly think; he hugs Matt tightly, and a few tears and raindrops might drop onto them before the happiness takes over.]

I promise, we will be together.